Dear fother, I don’t understand why you married a woman like my mother, but I guess I do. You were desesperated because you were getting old, and you needed a woman to have children so you could have a purpose, since you considered yourself a failure, and you were. Why? I am going to make you responsable of yourself with this answer. Because you didn’t accept the reality of yourself, you denied it so much, you represed it so much, you suffered so much, you blamed other so much, you were so scared, you though everybody was as fake as you. The way you have treated your children, is the way you have treated yourself. When you “try” to be a good fother, you are dening yourself the possibility of being a good fother. But you are not even interested in that because to be a good fother you would have to be that for the opinion of other person, and you don’t care about the opinion of the people you love because you are god. Nobody and nothing will change you because you have the absolute reality, you died long ago. And the people that you most loved suffered the consecuences of that, because of being so irresponsable for your own mind and life you married a crazy woman who deep inside hated you and left you alone, and created emotional traumas in their sons. Because of being so irresponsable love stopped being real, and became fear, and became all that you were. And, like with everything in life, the others suffered the consecuences. You manipulated your children, you made them reactive, brainwashed, so you could trigger them, so you could controll them, so you would have this thing that you are lacking of inside yourself, this thing that was denied to you by yourself. You scared your children, you felt so powerfull even if you did not deserve it that you abused your children and forced them to accept your reality, to accept that they have fear too, that they are incomplete too, that they can’t be honest and worthy of themselves, they can’t live words, because, why? Nobody will watch if you live a word, nobody will notice, only yourself. And inner reallity doesn’t exist right? Only you see it, nothing happens there, if I just accept that nobody is watching my mind I can do whateeeever I want, whateeeever I feel, I can abuse others. In what way?: They need to give ME! They will serve me! They are part of me! They make me what I don’t deserve to be, but I crave. And I don’t want to be real, I don’t want to go to that level, for what? For me to notice? I prefer to remain as I am right now, and say that I am a king. I could master the art of pretending at the eyes of others, so they say that I am king and I start believing it. I prefer to pretend in front of my own eyes, so that when I call myself a looser, when I feel empty, depressed, frustrated, I can prettend that I am winner and I don’t suffer and I have all these beautiful atributes that make me what I really, really am, perfect, since I am so unworthy of being good, I crave for it, I will pretend. I will pretend my whole life.
As I have been brainwashed by you because you put all your life and effort on making me yourself since I was a baby, I know how you work, perfectly. I was you, I had the vition of your reality, you wanted to make a child have your same mind and fears, well if you find the trick in their minds and you keep touching it and making them accept your ideas and you feed of their reactions, they are going to become those ideas, and that’s what happened. So, I know exactly how you feel, and I have had ENOUGH. I have done everything I could to help you and support you, even if you are an abuser, I accepted your fucking abuse everyday, I was there taking care of you, just to see if there was a chance. And you abused me even more, you manipulated me even more, you screamt to me even more and you made me feel like shit, you made me responsable for your own self, and I am TIRED, forever, I should have never allowed you to abuse my mind, I have nothing else to give you, all I want is you out of my presence and in some months my wish is going to become true and you are going to be all alone to abuse yourself. You could walk a lot of steps to become honest, but I am not insterested on anything about you. I have had enough, and if you need to die to become honest, you are going to, and you are going to face yourself, you are alone and you deserve it, and you will someday tell me that you knew that you were creating it, and that I should have left you even before. So that’s what I am doing, I hope I never have to see you again, and you are welcome for the effort I did you did not deserve.