I’ll try to explain the whole story as briefly as possible.
The first time I saw the kitty, I felt a subconciouss rejectment towards him. I don’t know if it was because he was a baby, or because he was a baby cat. But his movements, they were so slow and dumb, so cute, that something in me felt like, okay I am not interested in you, I want nothing to do with you. It wasn’t like I literally said those words in my mind, but it was the ‘vibe’ of it.
But, I had made the decition of adopting a cat, and after making sure that I would be able to provide everything for him to have a happy life, I was determined, and it would be a new experience for me.
I had too many concerts back then, so I told the woman who was taking care of him to plays take care of him until I end the season in half a month. She gladly did. This made me feel a bit dissapointed, because I was interested on having the kitty from a very young age, as young as possible, and I even thought about looking for other kitties. Even saw the picture of one.
But it just, didn’t feel right, I knew that something was waiting for me in the cat I had already seen, it just didn’t fit in my mind to now change to another cat, even if he was younger and cutter. So I decided I would still commit to my cat and not change the destiny of life.
When I went to pick him up he was already 2 months and a half old or so. He was still a kitty, but he was on his way to become a young cat.
I had made up my mind to serve this cat with my maximun level of care, and that’s quite a lot for the mind body and soul of a cat. So from the first moment the kitty left his home, I tried to be his support, I showed to him how my voice sounds like, I wanted him to feel he had nothing to worry about.
The first days I introduced the kitty to its new home, I played with him a lot, and I started treating him like my new pet, like if he was a dog. After having a friendly dog for more than 8 years, and not knowing how cats exist, my first form of interaction with him was just like with a dog, because I wanted to create some kind of relationship between pet-owner, and I believed that this was the way it was done with cats.
The second day the cat was at home, he purred his first time towards me. I remember not knowing what it was, and I remember the look in his eyes. He didn’t know me, we didn’t have any trust, and when he purred at me and I looked at his eyes, he was like, sharing something with me but, in such a way! The best way to describe is like when you have fear of saying to someone that you love him, but you still want to do it and you do it, and not only that, you stop having fear, you unify with your truth and you say what you feel in the most sincere way. That same look a human has when he does that and he is pure and vulnerable, it’s what I saw in the eyes of my cat. I obviously accepted and I tried to show him my support, even if I didn’t really know what a cat desires back then.
Since the first night, the cat always sleeps with me, and the change I felt at my home before the cat and after the cat, was quite meaningfull. I felt like, if something was alive within me, an experience I can not define with words, I felt healthy, pure, new, empowered.
We started building the relationship we have today, and I didn’t know I would have to learn a lot. This cat showed everything to me. He educated me. I would always go to him wanting something, desiring, I could not stop it. I wanted something from the cat, and if he was a dog, we would have have it, this exange of energy, real energy that happens. But everytime I would go to the cat, I would not receive what I was expecting for.
And then one day, I learnt how to treat a cat, by looking at the way he purrs. It’s like, he is alive, a living cat, and he has a lot of life inside of him, so his life sometimes reaches a point where he is shining, literally, inside of him. Everything under controll! All okay! But, I am a cat and I am perceiving everything at once inside of me and my life wants me to express it right now. But I don’t even express it, it is expressed through me, beyond me, I remain as myself. And then, the cat comes to you, but don’t get confused, he is not coming to you, you will not receive and he will not give, he is what he is.
But he still comes, because even if he won’t actively give and share something with me, he wants to be close to me, he doesn’t want to be alone, he prefers if I am around, if I pay attention to him and I look at what is happening inside of him. We don’t know what that is, it’s the flow of a cat’s live being experienced by him in a moment. And then he comes because he doesn’t want to be alone, and he shares it, but he shares it in such a way. You can not, and should not do anything, you will just ruin the experience for a cat by diminishing yourself, we must learn from the cat. For a cat, you are not allowing life to exist if you start having desires and acting towards something.
For me, the moment the cat purrs and comes to be next to me, I just stop. Everything is going to stop now, and now it’s a moment where I am simply here, looking at what is happening. If you do that, you will receive more. But it will come from yourself, it’s the lesson the cat is sharing with you. It does not come from him. You are responsable for your mind, and only then you both can meet. And you can really, really meet him, you can talk with one another, but aaalways you must remain as yourself, if not you will go backwards.
Then, when you have learnt it, the cat will come, and you will remain as yourself. And you will realize that he is not coming to you, he is not doing it because he is free, he was just passing by, in his own life, and he saw you, and he said hey, I see you, but I am myself, you should too, but I can’t do anything for you, don’t dare even asking me, just learn how to be yourself. And then something very very beautiful can happen, you can both remain free, as yourself, and you can have your moments where you (always remaning as yourself) say hello to each other and see how far you can go within that experience. And this is the lesson cats live and cats show the rest of us. When I look at my cat, I see myself, I see life in a very simple and unique way.
Cats are interesting beings. He always sleeps with me, so one day he did the unexpected, he started smelling my armpit. I thought it was normal and natural, he was just interested on getting to know who he is with. But he, seriously, loves the smell of my armpit, and it got to a point where I thought okay cat, you should now relax maybe you are smelling too hard. So now I try to bring a balance. I have nothing against him smelling me, but he must also remain as himself and not get all filthy with it. He just takes it too far. But, one night something very interesting happened. He started smelling my armpit and then he felt asleep there. And I realized something, my cat had never been with me in such a way. He sometimes would lay down next to me, but it wasn’t like with my dog, where we would just rest together and get energized, my cat would always be laying next to me, but alone, there was nothing going on between us.
So when he fell sleep in my armpit, I noticed something. And maybe it’s just my imagination, but I noticed something. I noticed that I still had a barrier against my cat, the same I had since the day I saw him for the first time, a resistance. I thought about the cat I had next to me, and I saw him in a different way, suddenly he was not my pet, he was an stranger, a random cat, an unknown being who happened to be so, so close to my skin, resting with me like if we were family. And I thought to myself, I can not love you.
But then something happened. It was the first time I felt a real conection with my cat. I realized that cats, like humans, also have a choice in loving you or not. They also choose, they also decide, it’s up to them, and I had not thought about that, never. I hadn’t seen my cat for what he is, a being with his own intelligence, who is alive and feels. And I realized, that the same way I had this resistance, my cat had it too. And I decided that I could love him, and I realized that I do love him more than I think, and I ever thought possible.
And then I felt what I used to feel with my dog, this exange of energy between a human and an animal. It’s like, you are both 1 body because you are conected, and you can talk to the cat and the cat can talk to you, he is alive, you can feel him and he can feel you. I was playing there with him for a while, I showed him something, he showed me something, it was just like that. And he also supported me in my process of life.
And this is all I have to say about my cat, you may not understand my words, but they are real and they mean a lot to me.
Now what awaits for me and my cat it’s a relationship where I will create “The supercat”. It will be basically a cat with superpowers that will rule over the rest of cats lol.
PS: They say that humans adore cats and they are their servants, but I from the first moment felt being adored myself.