Day 62 – Suffering

Suffering. What is suffering? It seems a part of us that we want to avoid, it’s something we don’t like, we don’t want to be there, we prefer to miss it, to not see it. And it makes me think, why does suffering exist that way? Is suffering really that? Probably. When you suffer, you suffer. But maybe, this word represents a part of us that we have denied to ourselves, a part of us that we escape from, the darkness. We literally live to escape it, every thing we do is to feel good, to be entertained, to be better, good, to avoid facing this suffering and living in it. We all have a past with the word suffering, every one of us in an unique way. For me, suffering became the part where I would hide everything I don’t want to face. And as long as I don’t suffer, it would be fine. Drugs, videogames, relationships, entertainement, friends, conversations, things, life events. Almost everything was created for me, by me, to transform it into a positive thing for my mind, so it doesn’t make me suffer, so I don’t have to be alone, and face that if I am alone, I face something I have been running away from. It’s like this emptiness, this not knowing what to do next. And specially, the accumulated past. All the past that comes with it, a whole life of accumulated consecuence. So I would just escape it and escape it. Now, what does really suffering mean? Suffering for me is a gift. It remembers me that I am alive, that I am facing the darkest corners and not hiding them. Now when I feel it, when it comes, and not only it but, the entire past that comes with it, I look at it, and I get showered by it. It penetrates the depths of my soul until I become that and I am simply overwhelmed. And then I become the suffering, I am suffering. And it becomes such a gift. It feels like if suffering and I are finally getting to know each other and becoming friends, and he is not evil. He is simply yourself, he cannot leave. He would leave if he could to leave you alone but it’s you so, there is no way that that is happening. He is there for you to remember what it takes and what it means to live with full awareness. And within that he becomes your friend, you now know suffering very well, and he comes and, he is just a part of you, he is not anymore rejected, he needed to show you something. And it was very important because unless you go through that, there is no way that you can love yourself. So what is suffering then, even if it feels like you are suffering? It’s one more expression of you, and it brings a gift. It shows you how to not make the same mistake again, how to accept what has happened, learn from it, let it be, for once and for all. And then you will not be the same person, I could say that you will be happy and blablabla but, the truth is that it’s always there. It doesn’t leave, how could the truth leave you. It’s there constantly remembering you, have you learnt how to not regret anything in your life? And the answer must be a yes, because there is no other possible answer for yourself. Yourself is yourself, it has to be accepted for you to be something. So just check that in the present you are yourself, supporting you. And you will see that if you are that, there are no more reasons to fear, or run away, or hide. They are not leaving, they aren’t, you need them to guide you, and you will learn by facing them how to bring your potential, how to live a life, this life, and how life is formed of both, suffering and joy. And it’s in the balance, when you accept the suffering, and you let joy in peace, that you can see something that can be for you. Something that feels like fredom, and creates something for you, that you can really keep with yourself wherever you go. It’s not like you want it or need it, it’s not like you want or don’t want to suffer, it’s simply that the game has stopped, and now everything is up to you. So if the game has stopped what is left? For me, it’s the courage to live a life, that simplicity. I come to this reality, I live a life, and I leave. That is my purpose. And to direct guide take care and support my purpose. And to not become possesed, to make sure that the person that leaves this life is the same that entered. So, suffering is a part of life, it’s how it is, it shows something. Be aware of the tendency to avoid suffering, to hide it. Suffering has a purpose, to heal you, to make you complete, with a bigger soul, a bigger heart, with a free mind and a choice.


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