Day 129 – Believing myself to be eternal out of my eternity

The mind is made of life, we are life. Life is the fuel for the mind. When I live in this world, I naturally create life within me, it happens because it happens, it’s how we exist.

This life, can be free, expressive, eternal, with me, or, it can downgrade. I can talk about what happens when it is expressive, but that is of no ose right now. I’ll talk about the downs. When it downgrades, it happens through the mind. The mind is like a muscle I have developed within myself, and I live in there, because it’s where consciousness exists, there are different mind paths, patterns, and we walk through them and we live and we move. What this mucle does, is very simple, and very hard to accept completely. What it does is say ‘Yess’. The mind, naturally, loves saying ‘Yess’, why? Because we feel good, and for a moment we don’t have responsabilities, or they seem solved, or we just enjoy and get relaxed. The world we live in, is the result of humanity going individually for their own ‘Yess’ to be relaxed and don’t have to work or be tested. Once they have their own ‘Yess’ for their own self-benefit, they know that work now it’s easier, and they can enjoy their part, it’s their right. And that’s what we call a ‘Happy life’.

The ‘Yess’ mechanism it is found naturally within us, to give us a purpose, without it, why would we move? We move and we do anything to find that ‘Yess’ that makes us who we are. Without that ‘Yess’, we simply can not exist, the world ends, and if the world ends, everything becomes nothing and now we simply don’t exist. So in this world when we walk, we walk to find that ‘Yess’ within us. Nature is made of Yesses, the animales are a huge YES, the animals are a huge YES, the sky is a huge YES, in an ideal world, we say ‘Yess’ and that’s fine, the whole world walks as a ‘Yess’ and we go, I don’t know, somewhere, as a especie and as a planet, as a whole.

What happens with my power to say ‘Yess’? In my past, all I did was porn and drugs, and some music, so there there are all my Yesses compounded. Because, if you can say a ‘Yess’, and then turn it into a ‘YESSS’, and then more and more, then you just don’t care about reality, about something external from you, about what you are creating, you are just focused on the YES and that becomes your life, and then you feed a thing called ego, that means believing that you exist, when in fact you are nothing.

In my present, for example sometimes I play videogames, since most games are focused on the rewards, I simply say ‘Yess’ and ‘Yess’, and it comes one and another and another, and if I an aware it becomes unconfortable, to have this game saying to me “say yess now come on! I’ll put this epic music this treasure chest and then you say yess okay? We will see what happens.” And then you say yes but, there is something subliminal that feels wrong about it, and that is is that you know within yourself that you are getting nothing, there is not any real experience going on that you can learn from, all that there is is the yes, a meaningless yes, but a yess, that was what I was playing the game in first place. Why go to another yes if I can have one right now?

‘Yesses’ don’t happen just with vieogames, they happen with life, they happen with my thoughts. I create every though, and every thought says ‘Yess’ in nature, because it exists to manifest itself and say ‘Yess’, I created the thought so the thought could say ‘Yess’.

Sometimes I agree with ‘Yesses’, sometimes I say to myself, wow, this is real, I did this, this exists within me, yes! And it’s not like I create a whole story about the yes, or any theory, I am just having a thought and that thought teaches me that I am a yes. That’s why I am happy sometimes. Sometimes I live and, I don’t know, the way I live creates yesses here and there and I feel very clean, I feel like I am finally fine.

What happens most of the times? I use my potential to create ‘Yesses’, I use it to feed the desires of my mind, because I have learnt throught my life to enjoy those desires. In essense, they are only energies, positive energies, magnetic energies. They say: “Yes, you can keep walking your own path, but you can also turn this way, just make this small change of direction, and I’ll give you a Yess, nothing else will matter I will just give it to you”. And then you do that once, or twice, and then you are changing your direction to be able to achieve the ‘Yess’, any yes, and then I become a greedy being, I demand things to have my yesses, and I get anxious/fearfull/frustated if I don’t have it, and then at some point, the preassure is so much, I have distance so much from myself, I am so out in this alternative reality, that now I don’t rule my world, now, I don’t see it, but I am no longer there, and that’s when the fall of myself happens, it happens eventually, wether I live my whole life evading myself or just a moment, it is meant to happen because I am not ruling over my own ‘Yesses’, I am choosing between all the different yesses which of them satisfies my ego more. And I forget, the most important thing, purpose, which is that if I live choosing over myself, if I live consciously choosing which of those ‘Yesses’ I deserve and really eternally want with me, if I live as that directive principle, I always get a reward, it’s not a reward in the quantity of ‘Yesses’, I never enjoy havng a Yes and then another and another and another, it does not feel real, it only feels enslaving, attaching. It’s the kind of yes that feels like the breath, you feel clean alive and you deserve it, but my nature is such that, I betray myself, I believe myself to be eternal out of my eternity, I forget why am I here and I simply choose to have other preferences. And then, I will come back life after life to the same place, the same point. And I know that there is a higher direction, a higher purpose, but I will remain in that plane of wasting my life, for a mental experience of energy. And then I’ll eventually go back the the same point. That point is my whole life, but if this was clear, I would always go higher, and higher, and higher, but instead I find myself eventually getting lost in fear, frustration, and more.

So I have now explained everything about the mind ‘Yesses’ and I have also explained the solution of remaining as myself to go higher and higher. Now it’s up to me to apply that in real time and real life, to learn what it means to really live.

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