Day 142 – I am here

I could say a lot, about who I have been. About what I remember of how intense I used to feel when I was a child, about all that ever happened to me, and how I reacted to it. I could talk about the path I have walked in my life, one of separation, I could talk about the moment I decided to start believing the lies even though I knew they were lies. I could talk about other people. I just could say a lot. But there is only one thing worth sharing, there is only one thing that I don’t regret when I say it, there is only one thing that makes me remember why I am here right now. And that thing is, nothing is real. I could say a lot, but it is not real, it only exists in my mind, in the ‘world’. Meanwhile, I am here, my chance is here, but the more I talk about it the more I miss who I am. I have a lot of knowledge, I have even ‘the true knoweledge’, and it is all a lie, that is the truth. There is nothing worth sharing in there. There is not direction, there is not growth, there is nothing, only acceptation of abuse, who I have become in my mind. That’s why I am done with defining myself, I know who I am, I am here. Everything that ever happened to me, exists here, everything. My mind enjoys victimizing myself, so it can feel energy, but it is not who I am. I am here. Here means everything. Everything is nothing. Nothing is my eternal real self. My eternal self doesn’t exist anywhere, but it exists everywhere. I am here. Self-acceptance, self-responsability, no separation.

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